How to Stay Steady When Life Keeps Moving the Goalposts

You finally start to adjust, only for something else to shift unexpectedly. Plans alter, routines unravel, and just as you start to relax, the ground shifts beneath you once more. At times, life can feel like an endless series of “new normals” that never quite settle into place. Even when these changes are positive, they can still leave us feeling tired, off balance, or quietly yearning for something familiar and steady.

 

The Fatigue of Constant Adaptation

Change does not always arrive with grand gestures; more often, it slips in quietly through a series of small adjustments — a friend moving away, shifting expectations at work, or evolving relationships.

Each transition calls for adaptation, for finding new rhythms, and for relearning what feels safe and secure.

The true difficulty lies not just in the changes themselves, but in the relentless demand to remain flexible — to continually regain your footing while outwardly pretending you are coping well.

This leads to a subtle, persistent exhaustion that accumulates as you strive to keep life moving forward without enough time to process what is being left behind.

 

• The weight of having to be “resilient” again and again

 

• Feeling as if you can never quite catch up with yourself

 

• An ache for something familiar or predictable

If this resonates or you've felt like an outsider during transitions, you might find reading, Your're Not Alone in Feeling Alone helpful.

How Change Activates Us

 

When change happens — especially repeatedly — our nervous system takes notice.

Some people go into push-through mode, keeping busy to avoid stopping long enough to feel. Others disconnect, numbing out to create a sense of control.

Some try to deny the change altogether, clinging to routines or denial as a form of protection.

These reactions often echo patterns we learned in early in life — strategies we developed to stay safe when the world felt uncertain. Perhaps, as a child, you learned to keep moving, to stay busy, or keep quiet when the world shifted around you (you can read a bit more about my background here).

Maybe you experienced frequent moves, big family changes, or simply learned to adapt quickly to maintain a sense of security.

These responses are survival strategies that once helped you navigate uncertainty. In adulthood, they can resurface during times of uncertainty — whether it’s a shift in a relationship, a change in career, or the arrival of unexpected challenges.

Recognising these patterns is not about assigning blame, but about noticing unconscious reactions and offering yourself compassion. Responding differently may seem difficult, even impossible at times, but simply observing your reactions can alter your experience. What once felt automatic becomes something you can approach with awareness, providing a little more freedom in how you choose to respond.

Self-compassion becomes the anchor that allows you to navigate uncertainty without judgment, transforming the act of noticing into a small but transformative change.

How These Old Patterns Can Show Up Today:

• Pushing through: Continuing on, even when exhausted, because pausing once felt unsafe.

 

• Disconnecting: Withdrawing or numbing emotions as a way to cope with uncertainty — a pattern rooted in times when expressing feelings didn't feel safe.

 

• Pretending it’s fine: Maintaining a calm exterior even while your body signals stress, because appearing composed once provided protection.

Finding Small Anchors

 

If you are experiencing ongoing change, finding steadiness may not mean stopping the waves, but rather seeking small anchors within them. These anchors do not need to be large or permanent; they simply need to offer enough stability to help you navigate life with a little more ease.

 

• Name what’s changing: Putting words to the shifts you are experiencing can transform a vague sense of unease into something more tangible.

 

• Keep one thing steady: Maintain a morning walk, a favourite mug, or a weekly phone call — anything ordinary that provides a sense of continuity.

 

• Connect with your creativity: Activities like writing, painting, or cooking serve as creative outlets — forms of change you choose yourself. They provide a safe way to explore, process, and express what is happening within, while also becoming comforting rituals that ground you.

 

• Lean on your support network: Reaching out to friends, family, or a community where you feel seen reminds you that you do not have to face constant change alone (you might also resonate with Finding Your People).

 

• Allow rest: Constant adaptation is tiring. Rest is not avoidance; it is how you recover your footing.

 

Small, steady practices such as these do not prevent life from shifting, but they do provide a sense of autonomy, connection, and care along the way.

Living In the In-Between

Sometimes, there isn’t a clear before and after — just a long middle, a space between what was and what’s next.

The steadiness we crave may not come from life finally settling, but from the way we learn to meet change: with curiosity rather than control, with compassion instead of pressure.

When life feels like it keeps shifting, remember — you don’t have to have mastered the change to be living it well.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by constant change and want a space to reflect on your experiences with support to find grounding, reach out.

I offer in-person sessions in Worthing and online. You don't have to navigate it alone. You can find out what to expect from therapy with me here.